I had to write this while it is fresh in my noggin. It comes after last nights epic Australian Open semi between Novak Djokovic and Andy Murray.
There is no doubt that the Serbian can play tennis....the lad is a gun, but is there a bigger drama queen / wanker than the world number one?
In my eyes, there a quite a few tossers floating around in the ATP and WTA currently. I shouldn't just settle on giving Novak an uppercut. The Scotsman is a bigger sook than most of the contestants on the "Biggest Loser".....anyways.
Before you tennis lovers come and burn down my house, let me explain myself. Some of the traits that give tennis players a direct ticket into my hall of shame are as follows:
- Faking injuries - C'mon Novak! Enough is enough buddy. I made and cancelled your funeral arrangements 16 times during last nights match. At least take some limping classes, it looked like you had one of Bagdahtis's rackets stuck up your base line. The moaning and groaning, trainers time-outs and hang dog demeanour is a joke. Nadal plays with knees that are worse than Betty White's and just grits his teeth and gets on with it....have a cup of cement and harden up!
Novak isn't the only one....you know who they are.
- Mouthing off at officials - It's fine to let off a bit of steam every now and then...professional sport is a high pressured, tense environment. Feel free to question a call every now and then by all means, but please don't threaten the officials with violence or even death please Serena.
Holy crap, does this girl go off like a frog in a sock! If things aren't going her way she becomes extremely scary (sorry scarier). Yelling and screaming, mixed in with a pinch of crying. A huge tanty chucker to match her huge glutes. While her mum sits up in stands like a freaky queen of Sheba, Serena decides whether she will eat the lines woman with or without ketchup. Not a pretty sight.
- Smart arse press conferences - This one is for you Andy. Every now and then a journalist will ask a dumb question like: "How did it feel when you got smashed in the nuts?"
It happens, no big deal. If I was getting over a million bucks a year to play a sport I love, I would smile and answer every question with humour and grace (maybe a little sarcasm).
My point is, Roddick carries on like a spoilt brat almost every time he opens his trap. Is he pissed off because he looks like Stiffler from the American Pie movies and everyone keeps calling his Mum a M.I.L.F? Who knows? The brat thing is not cool and never really was (don't tell McEnroe - he will just die).
The sport does need characters - not giant penises that call themselves a tennis players.
-Shrieking during points - For some reason some girls find it necessary to fake an orgasm every time they hit a ball. Is there something we don't know about going on? Is hitting the perfect forehand equivalent to sitting on the spin dryer or riding a horse on a very bumpy trail for the ladies? I highly doubt it!
Let's pick on Miss Sharapova (surprise, surprise). Her grunting or shrieking makes it impossible for me to sit through one of her matches without looking up hit-men in the yellow pages. There is nothing more painful in sport than listening to the Russian glamour doing her vocal gymnastics. She doesn't do it at all in the warm up, so it can only be classed as dirty, rotten, stinking, filthy cheating.
For me it's the same a a cricketer skying a catch, then running over to the fielder under it and screaming "Drop it wanker!". There is no place for such crap. Shut the f$%k up!
Tennis stars are people and are entitled to mistakes, but it seems like more and more are turning into selfish twits that think they are as important the ball boys and girls...they'r not! There is no shame in being classy. The match between Roger and Raffa was a stunning example of great tennis and sportsmanship. This is what the fans really want, so come on guys and girls - leave your egos at the door and play some figgin' tennis....Tragic!
My TOP 5 Worst
1. Djokovic
2. Roddick
3. Sharapova
4. Serena
5. Murray (Sad sack)
My TOP 5 Best
1.Nadal
2.Federer
3.Li Na
4.Wozniacki
5.Clijsters
WHO ARE YOURS?
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